The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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