Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
