i was born a porn star she said
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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