bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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