Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
so much tequila, so little girl.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize