i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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