This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
