Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize