Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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