i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
