the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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