i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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