Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
