I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
