i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize