haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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