The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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