i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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