home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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