He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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