he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
