two words: eviction party
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
