Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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