He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
