if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
