How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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