I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
