somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
