So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
