yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
