Ambien. No doubt about it.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
