Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
