How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
