I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize