Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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