I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
