Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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