i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
home. puking in laundry basket.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
