remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
