Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Randomize
