I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
