I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
