Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize