hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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