I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
