Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
