I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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