All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
