i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
