i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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