If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I intend to get homeless drunk
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
