I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
