it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
