glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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