her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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