if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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