An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
this just has baby written all over it
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
