He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
