Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
