I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
