Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
