The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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