I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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