dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
