I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
