Do you still have your period?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
