The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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