yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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