just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
