How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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