Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
