i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
