So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
