dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
