There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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