If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
