I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
