loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize