You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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