I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
