i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
