i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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