If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
