i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
