Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize