I am puke
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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